The Fried Chicken Chronicles

So apparently you cannot get fried chicken in this town, after 10pm. Let me start by saying "I think that's ridiculous!" It's not often that I get a hankerin' for some fried chicken, but I had just gotten off work and was hungry.....and I wanted some chicken. Simple, right? Wrong. Let me set the stage for you. I live in Broken Arrow. It's a nice little city/town just to the east of Tulsa. We have everything Tulsa has, and the Tulsa/B.A. line gets very fuzzy right around 71st and Big Shopping Center District....so we kind of have the best of both worlds. I live in a nice neighborhood. I have never not felt safe....which is why I'm not sure why my mind went to where you will soon see it went. Second thing.....I have never been to a Popeye's Chicken. In my mind, Popeye's Chicken = North Tulsa. Throw eggs at my house, call me mean, whatever....that's just the way my mind works. I mean, that's not why I've never been to a Popeye's....I just don't ever remember one being around my house. No, I'm not a Popeye snob. It was more to do with geography. So....here I am on a Saturday night, overworked, tired, hungry, etc. I just want some fried chicken!! It hits me that there is a KFC right by my apartment. I head straight there. I didn't see it, and was beginning to think I was mistaken...that maybe it was on a different street. Nope, I didn't see it because all the lights were turned off and the only people in the lobby were four workers who were posing for pictures in front of the counter. No lie. They could pose for pictures, but they couldn't make me some chicken?! Not one to give up easily on my dreams, I see a Popeye's across the street. I figured it was fried chicken and it was probably good, and I'd be safe because this is Broken Arrow! All the Popeye's lights were on, and I drove around to the drive thru, seeing that there was a worker inside. Score!! So I'm sitting at the drive thru, perusing the menu....because as I've stated previously, I have never been to a Popeye's. I sit there for a minute or two, and thought I saw a shadow out of the corner of my eye. I chalked it up to my nerves, me sitting at a Popeye's at 10:50pm....then I had the random thought, "omigosh, can you imagine getting mugged at a Popeye's drive thru, in Broken Arrow?" 20 seconds after that thought, I hear a very deep, masculine voice say "Ma'am?" Now let me paint you a picture of what happened directly after that......my brain completely left my body. I don't know what happens to your mind when you become so startled, but it wouldn't have been much different had paddles been put to my chest and charged to 240. I jumped in my seat, as my hand began to immediately flutter against my chest. Flutter. Not like, hit my chest once as in "wow, you really scared me," but it was as if my hand had suddenly become a parakeet trapped in a windowed room and could not escape. My voice came out something like this: "HUB-BU-BU-BU-BU-BU" and sounded alot like someone who was going down the stairs on their back. The poor "mugger," who was a blonde haired, blue eyed teenager immediately felt HORRIBLE, and was apologizing all over the place. My brain returned, and realized this nice young man was wearing a Popeye's uniform (all black, which is why I couldn't see him!), and was probably coming to tell me either a) their drive thru speaker was broke, or b) they were closed. I was sincerely hoping for option A. I realized I was still making gasping noises and finally got out "Aaarrr youuuu cc-ccc-closed?" Because by this time, to add to all that is going on in my body, I am laughing hysterically at myself. The young chicken maker tells me ,yes, they are closed. So I finally calm down, all the while still being apologized to. I say to him "I was fixin' to grab whatever I could in this car. You're lucky you weren't within reaching distance." Ya....I totally would have grabbed something....after my brain returned two minutes later in which the mugging would have already been over. What have I learned from this escapade? Fried chicken is harder to get after 10pm than plutonium; even though I live in B.A., I still expected to get mugged at Popeye's; and I probably now have permanent heart arhythmia.