If we are all being honest with ourselves, we've all had a moment where we've fantasized about reaching back with a mammoth-sized bouncy ball in our hands, taking aim at the problem child sticking their tongue out at us and letting loose with a mean curve-ball that ends the impromptu dodge-ball game that began in our mind when one of our students calls us "deaf."
But I'm not speaking from experience or anything.....
If you're a teacher, you're probably laughing. If you're a parent, you're probably agreeing. If you're a new parent, or parent to be, you're probably appalled. Just wait, my friend....you'll get there.
Now, I joke about dodge-ball knowing that I would NEVER in a million years actually play dodge-ball while using one of my students as target practice.
Nevertheless, I laugh when I recall the commercial for the movie "Bad Teacher," as Cameron Diaz winds up and pitches at a student's face. Because that's exactly what a bad teacher thinks about.....and today, I learned that's probably what a normal teacher thinks about too.
At week twenty, I don't expect much out of my students....you know, bring your pencil to class, bring paper, sit down at your desk, learn what I teach you (okay, so yes...I expect more of them that that, I'm writing with tongue-in-cheek humor).
My fifth graders do a combination of none of those.
Many of them do not bring the most basic supplies to class.....
"Where's your pencil, little Bobby?"
"Oh, Ms. Johnson! I KNOW someone stole it out of my locker. I don't have it and I had it yesterday."
Now, knowing my students as I do I can almost guarantee that a) they've left it in another classroom, b) it's buried in their locker somewhere, or c) they haven't had their own pencil since Christmas, since they've been borrowing from me and they finally lost THAT one.
"So you don't think you've dropped it somewhere or its in your locker underneath piles of stuff?"
"No, Ms. Johnson. It's not there. Someone stole it."
So begins my day.....
It's interrupted by a sixth grader informing the class that "she's deaf!"
No, child....I was looking at the gradebook trying to figure out who can't seem to get their work turned in on time and just didn't hear you.
My day ended on a high note....did I just say high note? I meant low note. Very low note.
I couldn't finish teaching the lesson because of the talking, laughing and general disruption.
Which makes me sound like a BAD TEACHER. My classroom management skills are in fact, I feel, really good. I've just been uh,...blessed....with a class that has managed to drive each teacher they've had to their knees in utter fear and overwhelment...is that a word??
So yes, I would have gladly lobbed a dodge-ball into an unsuspecting fifth grader today. No question about it.
The one shining moment.....I was able to make those disruptive boys cry.
All it took was the threat of swats.
Which they'll receive in the morning.
Country schools....god bless em'!
