The Over-Statuser

For today's monologue, we will discuss the "Over-statuser." The over-statuser is a close cousin of the "Over-sharer." In fact, it may be safe to say that if you are an over-sharer, you might just be an "over-statuser."

TRAITS: The Over-statuser is known for their status updates on social networking sites such as Facebook or Myspace. The over-statuser is fully dedicated to alerting the world to their every move, and they take pleasure in sharing more information than anyone would ever care to know. In life, the over-statuser is usually female, more than likely in her twenties or thirties, and lacks discretion.
That's not to say the over-statuser is never male....but generally, they are not.

BEHAVIORS: The over-statuser is prone to sneak attacks. One never knows what might pop up on their status. It is no use in trying to avoid the over-statuser, as Facebook will alert you to any and all status updates by said individual.
After a long day of work, possibly serving the general public, as you sit down at your computer to enjoy a few moments of rest, exercise caution. You may be way-laid by information you had no need for, as you log onto Facebook.

RECOVERY: As your vision tries to clear around the unbidden tears that have formed in your eyes, carefully pick your head up from the laptop that it just slammed down upon, take a deep breath and log off Facebook. This is the only known solution and remedy for the onslaught of over-statusers.

LONG-TERM SOLUTION: I am now accepting applications for Facebook Status Police. This group of trained men and women will attempt to educate individuals about what a status is, and what it should or should not contain; they will attempt, through humor and force, to rid the online world of inappropriate, medically-graphic, or overly-emotional statuses.

WHAT A STATUS IS: A status is an update about your life.
WHAT A STATUS IS NOT: A status is not a soapbox for your family problems, your medical history or your bodily functions while you may or may not be intoxicated.

ACCEPTABLE STATUS EXAMPLE: "Tired of work, but ready for the money!"
UNACCEPTABLE STATUS EXAMPLE: My stupid boss made me work, like four hundred hours today and I totally wanted to kick her rear end. I think she has PMS....oh, man, I gotta pee, but my step-aunt's-sister-once-removed is hogging the bathroom. I hope she's using air freshener!"

Should you know of, or by chance be, an over-statuser, please ask yourself once question....."Do people really want to know this?" We at Facebook Status Police Headquarters feel that this simple question may help eliminate many, many, many unnecessary posts.

The Cocoon of Safety

I think we all operate from inside our cocoons of safety at some point or another. Whether we're dealing with people who have previously hurt us, or whether we're not sure where we stand with that hard-to-get-along-with-boss.....or sometimes we're in that cocoon for a greater purpose. We're changing!

I love my cocoon. It's warm.....it's cozy, it's comfy.

I've even decorated the walls a bit, knowing I would be in this cocoon for awhile.

But here's the thing about cocoons or chrysalises (chrysali?).....they aren't meant for permanent residence. Which really stinks!!!

As I said before, it's warm, cozy and comfy in my cocoon.

Cocoons bring about amazing change. You enter as not much more than a gross looking worm and you re-emerge as this beautifully-colored, flying creature.

If you've ever seen a butterfly break out of their cocoon....it's very interesting. It happens very quickly......and where a previous brown, very odd shaped item was...suddenly this butterfly is just sitting there, resting. And they sit there......and sit there. Because it takes a lot of work busting out of that thing. So they wait until their wings are all pumped up on butterfly juice (no, that's not the scientific term)....and they take off.

I like to think they're gearing up, gathering up all the gumption and courage they possess in order to take that first flying leap.

Ooohh, that flying leap. I know it has to come at some point.....but.....

Did I mention my cocoon is warm, cozy and comfy???

Things

Things I wish would go away:

• Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt - I have no words for how much I really detest these people. They actually need Jesus.......to the nth degree.
• MTV - it has turned into the All Reality All the Time network. What happened to music television??
• 102.1 - In Tahlequah, it's our local country station. They play music I have NEVER heard of. It's simply awful. I bet if I submitted a demo, I could get on the radio.....
• 100-degree-Oklahoma-summers........heat makes me gripey and cranky. Why can't we all take a page out of the Cayman Islands book and have 76 degree weather year round?
• Billboards - who needs them? Especially the ones that falsely advertise young men who never went to the college being talked about........okay, I'll let it go.

Things I wish would stick around longer:

• The Christmas Season......I love everything about it!
• College friends........I'm starting to feel slighted that they've all left me high and dry this summer, well almost all of them. Scott is my Only Friend.
• Roommates......they make life a whole lot more interesting.....even if their cat DOES scratch your leather chair and they have the propensity to watch reality television or Twilight all the time.
• Money. My money never stays put......that's probably something I need to work on, though. The real, adult-working world is fast approaching. I don't think Mom and StepDad will be too willing with the handouts then.....
• Dog naps......they never last long enough......and she's so precious when she's sleeping and not biting everything, including me......

Restoration Revitalization Cooperation

There are tons of things in this life that I don't know about. For instance, I have no idea how to repair an HVAC unit; I have no idea how to make Hummus; I don't know that I would actually enjoy Hummus; I haven't figured out what it takes to be independently wealthy; and I haven't found the formula needed to find Mr. Wonderful.

However, there are some things I DO know. I know how to love my family, even if it means forgiving them of the stupid, maniac things they do sometimes; I know even the most nonsensical bits of celebrity trivia and can recite them at a moment's notice, and I know a little bit about cars.

I took great pride, while living in Florida for a year, in going home to my Grandpa and telling him I changed my flat tire all by myself. I even went so far as to take the damaged tire to a gas station so that they could patch it for $2. My Grandma says my Grandpa was pretty proud of me for that one. Did I mention the tire was flat....and I was at work? It would have been nice if the tire had been flat at home.....but that's not usually the way those things happen. I had several offers of help, but felt I needed to prove something to myself and all the men looking at me like I had lost my mind as I refused their assistance. And I did prove myself.

My Father had this wonderful knack of insisting that someday his children would need to know about cars, hence the reason he insisted on us helping him as he worked on the family car. I know the difference between a socket wrench and crescent wrench. I know what a radiator does and where it's located. I also know how to put oil, coolant and gasoline in my car. And believe it or not, when my brother Paul is explaining an engine block to me, I mostly get and understand what he's saying.

That's why I feel confident in the Johnson Sibling Cooperative to Restore Cars initiative. Let me take you back a bit.......my family has had a long-standing love affair with one car. The Chevrolet El Camino. First of all, who can resist a vehicle that's half car, half truck? I mean, really! For as long as I can remember, I've always seen an El Camino parked somewhere in the vicinity of my family's home. My Grandfather had a few, my Uncles had a few, and my Father even had a few. I don't quite remember when my father procured the cream-colored Camino, but I distinctly remember him being proud of the bronze racing stripes he added to the hood. This began a long, tiresome road of the car sometimes working and sometimes not. My brother Paul caught the El Camino bug from my Father, and both of them never noticed that I secretly nursed my own crush on this wondrous car. Because who would believe a teenage girl would one day long for her own El Camino?

Now, let me just say, that my Father's El Caminos were very....temperamental. Sometimes they worked....sometimes they didn't. And let's all be real honest......this drove my Mother nuts. As long as my Father has had a love affair with this particular make and model, my Mother has had an understandable hatred for it. She obviously didn't share the Johnson's enthusiasm for Chevrolets. But that's okay. It's not for everyone.

As Paul turned of the driving age, my Dad bequeathed the car to him. Paul's dream was to restore this car. I even went so far as to submit an application to Overhaulin', a reality TV show, in order for Paul to receive the ultimate prize of getting this car overhauled by a creative collective of California know-how's. It never happened, sorry to say. And I have to admit, the application was REALLY good.....my Dad and I both worked on it.....and I gotta say, we both have a panache for writing. So it was good. It was funny. It didn't get picked.

Back to the El Camino. At this point, she had been passed from Father to son. She proceeded to spend the next several years sitting in a parking lot and garage, as nothing was ever done to her. Paul got super busy with non-important things like getting married, and producing the sweetest chubby-cheeked-human ever created.

Paul contacted me about a month ago, telling me he was selling the El Camino. I'm gonna just tell the truth. I cried after I hung up the phone.

This car had been in our family for quite a while. And I felt bad for the ol' girl. She had been made promise after promise of a new life, a new body, a new soul......and she never received anything. I cried for her and I cried for me. I didn't know how I could buy this car, or where I would store it.....and if I bought and stored it....what would I tell my Mom???!!! Maybe that was the real dilemma.

Paul being the amazing brother he is, didn't want to sell the car to a stranger anymore than I wanted to see it sold to a stranger. He arranged my brother Roy's garage for it, and set me up on a long-term payment plan, knowing full well I was a poor college student.

We both rejoiced.

That was alot of background info.....but I said all that to say.......Roy, Paul and I will be jumping off into the restoring biz come September. We are all equally excited about this opportunity. It's more than just working on a junk car.

We've got plans. We have no money. But we do have time. And we have the know how. We are all actually pretty smart, mechanically. Thanks Dad!

And since we were MADE to help him on the cars, once upon a time, he's absolutely right that it really WILL come in handy one day.

I think the secret to a successful restoration venture, is planning.

The time we are giving ourselves to finish our project: 5 years

The date we will first begin our project: September (when its cooler)

And I know that the ol' girl is smiling, sitting inside Roy's dank and creepy-crawly garage. She's going to get rebuilt from the chassis up......and yep, I know what a chassis is.

I think most of all, I am happy that I will be spending time with my brothers, working towards a common goal. There will be temper tantrums, much laughter, maybe even a few tears........but that's a small price to pay for keeping something in the family. Don't you think?

You're asking if I've had a conversation with my Mother yet.......um, no.

Of course, certain people can't keep their mouths closed, so she's aware of the situation.....but....I'm not really allowed to repeat what she said about it.

I don't know all there is to know about cars. But I know a lot about restoration. And I know its a lot of hard work, whether it's internal/emotional, or on an 80 El Camino.

Wish us luck!! :0)