I have an unexplained and somewhat embarrassing addiction to Hostess's Chocolate Zingers. I have no reason why I love these stupid things. I mean, yes....they're chocolate. But they have a shelf-life of like, 21 years or something. The day we all go into underground shelters for the nuclear fallout of World War III, we should each be carrying several boxes of our favorite hostess products, because they will still taste fresh when we re-emerge from our underground life. And we'll need something to share with the foreigners who have taken over our decimated country. It could be the best peace offering in the history of the planet.
Okay, maybe I'm exaggerating a bit.
But they really are good. I walk by the vending machines at the college and see them in the top corner, "oooh, G11....I am coming for YOU!"
I'm sick.
I have issues.
Help.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
HiJinks from the Johnson Household
It seems like not a day goes by that I'm amazed at the words that come out of my nieces' mouths. Sometimes it's something sincerely poignant, sometimes its something hysterically funny. I should have begun cataloging these from the beginning of my reign in the cupboard-under-the-stairs (really, its a nook above the stairs). So I've provided for your reading pleasure some of the best of Kaylee, Alexis and Emma.
It's a known fact that when four girls (1 of them a grown-up) share a bathroom, at some point there is going to be an invasion of privacy. I've learned to just live with this. So getting out of the shower this morning, I ran into what I call an Emma Explanation. These words are not only a very logical explanation coming from a 3-year-old, but they are also accompanied by a continuous nod of the head and a one-sided, curled up lip. It's about the most adorable thing in the world, which only adds to the hilarity of the Emma Explanations.
Place: Upstairs bathroom
Time: 8:15am, this morning.
Julie, standing in a towel, in the tub, having just pulled back the shower curtain finds Emma hopping from one foot to the other. "Tauntie, I really have to pee."
Tauntie: "Okay, well, go ahead, I'll wait here."
It was an ill-fitting towel. I didn't really want to move around that much.
Emma does her business, not bothered by the lack of privacy and grabs a miniscule amount of toilet paper, and I give her a look like "um, is that gonna work?"
Here is the explanation, complete with facial expressions: "I'm just gonna use a little bit so I don't waste toilet paper."
Tauntie "oooh. okay."
Place: Kitchen table during dinner
Time: 6:00pm on a weeknight
Having just discussed how much the twins love ballet, they question was asked by their mother "If you didn't do ballet, what else would you like to learn how to do?"
Kaylee: "I'd like to learn how to play the drums!" She immediately begins to drum on the table with her silverware.
A thoughtful moment passes as Alexis looks around the table, then she spits out this gem.
Alexis: "I'd like to learn how to play the sitar."
And the child explains what a sitar is, to those around the table who are unfamiliar with the instrument. It only took us 10 minutes to regain our composure.
Place: My very old, cluttered and dirty car
Time: 3:45pm, after the final bell rings.
I've been interning at the twins' school, so on Wednesdays and Fridays I get to drive them home, since I'm already at the school. So as we were walking out to my car, this is what happened:
Alexis: "Where's your car, Tauntie?"
Tauntie: "Right there."
Kaylee: "I'm sitting in front!"
Tauntie: "Kaylee, you get in the front, Alexis get in on this side, let me push all this junk out of the way."
Alexis: "Oh man, Tauntie, your car is really dirty."
Tauntie: "Ya, I need to clean it out." I start the car up....
Kaylee: "Oh, Tauntie! What is that noise??"
Tauntie: "It's my car, Kaylee. She's really old." We begin to drive down the street.
Kaylee: "Hey, my window won't work! It won't roll down!"
Tauntie: "Ya, sorry, it doesn't work." Well, this must have been too much for the little thing.
Kaylee: "AUGHHHH, Tauntie! Your car is old, dirty, loud, and broken! You need to buy a new car right now!!!"
I couldn't have said it better myself!
It's a known fact that when four girls (1 of them a grown-up) share a bathroom, at some point there is going to be an invasion of privacy. I've learned to just live with this. So getting out of the shower this morning, I ran into what I call an Emma Explanation. These words are not only a very logical explanation coming from a 3-year-old, but they are also accompanied by a continuous nod of the head and a one-sided, curled up lip. It's about the most adorable thing in the world, which only adds to the hilarity of the Emma Explanations.
Place: Upstairs bathroom
Time: 8:15am, this morning.
Julie, standing in a towel, in the tub, having just pulled back the shower curtain finds Emma hopping from one foot to the other. "Tauntie, I really have to pee."
Tauntie: "Okay, well, go ahead, I'll wait here."
It was an ill-fitting towel. I didn't really want to move around that much.
Emma does her business, not bothered by the lack of privacy and grabs a miniscule amount of toilet paper, and I give her a look like "um, is that gonna work?"
Here is the explanation, complete with facial expressions: "I'm just gonna use a little bit so I don't waste toilet paper."
Tauntie "oooh. okay."
Place: Kitchen table during dinner
Time: 6:00pm on a weeknight
Having just discussed how much the twins love ballet, they question was asked by their mother "If you didn't do ballet, what else would you like to learn how to do?"
Kaylee: "I'd like to learn how to play the drums!" She immediately begins to drum on the table with her silverware.
A thoughtful moment passes as Alexis looks around the table, then she spits out this gem.
Alexis: "I'd like to learn how to play the sitar."
And the child explains what a sitar is, to those around the table who are unfamiliar with the instrument. It only took us 10 minutes to regain our composure.
Place: My very old, cluttered and dirty car
Time: 3:45pm, after the final bell rings.
I've been interning at the twins' school, so on Wednesdays and Fridays I get to drive them home, since I'm already at the school. So as we were walking out to my car, this is what happened:
Alexis: "Where's your car, Tauntie?"
Tauntie: "Right there."
Kaylee: "I'm sitting in front!"
Tauntie: "Kaylee, you get in the front, Alexis get in on this side, let me push all this junk out of the way."
Alexis: "Oh man, Tauntie, your car is really dirty."
Tauntie: "Ya, I need to clean it out." I start the car up....
Kaylee: "Oh, Tauntie! What is that noise??"
Tauntie: "It's my car, Kaylee. She's really old." We begin to drive down the street.
Kaylee: "Hey, my window won't work! It won't roll down!"
Tauntie: "Ya, sorry, it doesn't work." Well, this must have been too much for the little thing.
Kaylee: "AUGHHHH, Tauntie! Your car is old, dirty, loud, and broken! You need to buy a new car right now!!!"
I couldn't have said it better myself!
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Motown and Toddlers
Two things I never realized actually went together....Motown and toddlers. I'm an avid American Idol watcher this season. No one is more surprised by that than me. Believe me, when the judges were fleeing at the end of last season, much like rats off a sinking ship, I thought it was the end for AI. But apparently Simon Fuller and Nigel Lythgoe definitely know what they're doing, as they've given us a better American Idol, in my opinion. And I'm still holding out for more Matthew Nuss (the camera men gave him some great airtime wednesday night). He should have been up there showing the world how amazing his vocal cords are....but alas, he's not. But I have a sneaking suspicion he'll be back next season. And I adore the addition of Steven Tyler. It was one of those things that I was unaware of.....that I'm a Steven Tyler fan. Go figure.
So tonight's episode registered somewhere like 423 on the Richter Scale of Drama. But it was good. I laughed, I yelled, I even danced. Yes folks, I did.
I rarely bust a move in public, and I consider the living room public.
But when Stevie Wonder surprised everyone and rolls out on stage playing my MOST FAVORITE Stevie Wonder song (it's one of the most played songs on my iTunes playlist), Signed Sealed Delivered....well, I had to join the toddlers.
They had already worked up quite a sweat, dancing to everything including the commercials. But oh ya, that song started and Emma and Zac's faces were akin to Christmas Morning Wonder as I grabbed their hands, danced, spun them and yes....I even performed Emma's favorite move...the-spank-your-own-hiney-move. If you've ever seen Never Been Kissed with Drew Barrymore and you can recall the scene in which she's up on stage wearing a boa, and she begins to hit a drum then her own rear....well...that was me tonight, minus the boa. What can I say? There are just certain songs that FORCE you to move. And those times are so rare with me....well, I fully enjoyed it.
And I fully enjoyed the song being over, sitting down and grabbing my inhaler as well.
So tonight's episode registered somewhere like 423 on the Richter Scale of Drama. But it was good. I laughed, I yelled, I even danced. Yes folks, I did.
I rarely bust a move in public, and I consider the living room public.
But when Stevie Wonder surprised everyone and rolls out on stage playing my MOST FAVORITE Stevie Wonder song (it's one of the most played songs on my iTunes playlist), Signed Sealed Delivered....well, I had to join the toddlers.
They had already worked up quite a sweat, dancing to everything including the commercials. But oh ya, that song started and Emma and Zac's faces were akin to Christmas Morning Wonder as I grabbed their hands, danced, spun them and yes....I even performed Emma's favorite move...the-spank-your-own-hiney-move. If you've ever seen Never Been Kissed with Drew Barrymore and you can recall the scene in which she's up on stage wearing a boa, and she begins to hit a drum then her own rear....well...that was me tonight, minus the boa. What can I say? There are just certain songs that FORCE you to move. And those times are so rare with me....well, I fully enjoyed it.
And I fully enjoyed the song being over, sitting down and grabbing my inhaler as well.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Romanticalness and Ridiculousness
Yes, I probably just created a new word with "romanticalness." But hey, freedom of speech could also mean freedom to make up nonsensical words, right?
I've chosen today's topic in light of two of my closest friends professing their love and adoration of each other on Facebook. I love these two. I'll not name names, because that would just be rude. They were married a couple weeks ago, so I 100% expected to see some romanticalness infused into their posts and status updates. I was secretly looking forward to it. I'm glad they get to experience the period of time where everything looks pink and red because of those rose-colored, honeymoon goggles they have on. And here's another secret....I kind of look forward to experiencing that myself, someday. It's definitely not a negative thing. I think of it as a time that really bonds the husband and wife together.....it's them against the world sort of thing. It's adorable.
But on the flip side, we have ridiculousness. I have witnessed MANY a ridiculous status update or post that should only have been meant for the eyes of the intended. Not the general public. I have gagged on numerous occasions, putting my head in my hands and lamented the person for their lack of discretion, or sickening pet names. Here's my question: why do I have more tolerance for my favorite newlyweds than I do the others?
Because I like the newlyweds better? Probably.
Because even in their sweet, lovey dovey way they still don't look ridiculous? Sure.
But the minute they start with the nick names, I'm launching an intervention. :0)
And you may ask..."So what? A ridiculous couple has pet names and they profess their opinion about how Hugh Jackman-like their spouse looks. What's so wrong with that?"
There is so much wrong with that I could spend 4 blogs on it. But I digress.
The ridiculous couples lack discretion. I think that's what bothers me the most. I had a very wise mother-in-law once, and she would sometimes say "Now Earl!"
"Now Earl" came from a story that there was a man named Earl and he would say everything he thought. He had no filter, and it would invariably get him into trouble. So saying "Now Earl" is the equivalent of saying "not everything you say needs to be said."
It's doggone good advice for every person on this planet. Maybe I should make a few t-shirts. And add "on FB" onto the end of the saying.
So in light of all the romanticalness and ridiculousness floating around on Facebook, I've made a decision that when that happy day comes for me, I will unabashedly launch into sweet monolgues, cataloguing each wonderful character trait of my loving husband and I promise to obsess about his body, his clothing and his love-laced comments to me on FB for all the world to see. And I hope to goodness I make people shake their heads, gag, throw up in their mouths, or maybe even shut their laptop off.
I feel this is justice.
After all, I've had to put up with the ridiculousness for far too long.
I've chosen today's topic in light of two of my closest friends professing their love and adoration of each other on Facebook. I love these two. I'll not name names, because that would just be rude. They were married a couple weeks ago, so I 100% expected to see some romanticalness infused into their posts and status updates. I was secretly looking forward to it. I'm glad they get to experience the period of time where everything looks pink and red because of those rose-colored, honeymoon goggles they have on. And here's another secret....I kind of look forward to experiencing that myself, someday. It's definitely not a negative thing. I think of it as a time that really bonds the husband and wife together.....it's them against the world sort of thing. It's adorable.
But on the flip side, we have ridiculousness. I have witnessed MANY a ridiculous status update or post that should only have been meant for the eyes of the intended. Not the general public. I have gagged on numerous occasions, putting my head in my hands and lamented the person for their lack of discretion, or sickening pet names. Here's my question: why do I have more tolerance for my favorite newlyweds than I do the others?
Because I like the newlyweds better? Probably.
Because even in their sweet, lovey dovey way they still don't look ridiculous? Sure.
But the minute they start with the nick names, I'm launching an intervention. :0)
And you may ask..."So what? A ridiculous couple has pet names and they profess their opinion about how Hugh Jackman-like their spouse looks. What's so wrong with that?"
There is so much wrong with that I could spend 4 blogs on it. But I digress.
The ridiculous couples lack discretion. I think that's what bothers me the most. I had a very wise mother-in-law once, and she would sometimes say "Now Earl!"
"Now Earl" came from a story that there was a man named Earl and he would say everything he thought. He had no filter, and it would invariably get him into trouble. So saying "Now Earl" is the equivalent of saying "not everything you say needs to be said."
It's doggone good advice for every person on this planet. Maybe I should make a few t-shirts. And add "on FB" onto the end of the saying.
So in light of all the romanticalness and ridiculousness floating around on Facebook, I've made a decision that when that happy day comes for me, I will unabashedly launch into sweet monolgues, cataloguing each wonderful character trait of my loving husband and I promise to obsess about his body, his clothing and his love-laced comments to me on FB for all the world to see. And I hope to goodness I make people shake their heads, gag, throw up in their mouths, or maybe even shut their laptop off.
I feel this is justice.
After all, I've had to put up with the ridiculousness for far too long.
Monday, March 21, 2011
It's been how long since I've blogged??!!
I sincerely apologize to all 13 of you who follow my blog. I have been remiss to update you on my exciting existence! If you read my previous blog, you are probably dying to find out if I actually bagged a deer this year. Sadly, the answer is negative. My last hunting expedition took me to the far corners of Mannford, Oklahoma to sit in a blind with my brother....which quickly transformed into LaughFest 2010 and brought not a deer to our sight. Which actually might have been our own fault.....Paul's father-in-law could hear us laughing....all the way across the pond.
2010 ended on a happy note. I graduated from NSU with a degree in Early Childhood Education. I felt it was best to continue to my education for just one more semester in order to acquire an elementary certification which will allow me to teach anything from Pre-K to 8th grade, not that I would actually want to teach 8th grade. But at least I have that option.
Which brings me to the present, where I am living in a small nook above my brother and sister-in-law's kitchen. My days are spent corralling my small dog away from small children who may get their small hands caught in small, pointy teeth. When daschund-herding isn't the current activity, I spend time with some extra-curricular church activities like women's bible studies on David (do you have any idea how many wives that man had??), young adult services (I get to play the piano for them from time to time!), and I also get to spend a fair amount of time with my nieces and nephew. My 9-year-old twin nieces tell me on a weekly basis that I should live with them forever. I know their parents are probably rolling their eyes behind my back because it's NEVER easy to have someone live with you. But have no fear, Roy and Kim! I am not planning to live with you forever! In fact, my hope is that come August, you will find me in a classroom full of 2nd graders....which means I have a full time job....which means I can get my own place! It's something I look forward to. Although, who would miss trying to watch a movie when the 1-Million-Questions-About-The-Movie-You're-Watching-Gang comes in? Not this gal!
Also, you may have noticed my spiffy blog-design update! I was tired of looking at my blog and thinking it really lacked some design ingenuity. So I fixed it.
One of my goals for 2011 is to be a better blogger.
We'll see how that turns out.
2010 ended on a happy note. I graduated from NSU with a degree in Early Childhood Education. I felt it was best to continue to my education for just one more semester in order to acquire an elementary certification which will allow me to teach anything from Pre-K to 8th grade, not that I would actually want to teach 8th grade. But at least I have that option.
Which brings me to the present, where I am living in a small nook above my brother and sister-in-law's kitchen. My days are spent corralling my small dog away from small children who may get their small hands caught in small, pointy teeth. When daschund-herding isn't the current activity, I spend time with some extra-curricular church activities like women's bible studies on David (do you have any idea how many wives that man had??), young adult services (I get to play the piano for them from time to time!), and I also get to spend a fair amount of time with my nieces and nephew. My 9-year-old twin nieces tell me on a weekly basis that I should live with them forever. I know their parents are probably rolling their eyes behind my back because it's NEVER easy to have someone live with you. But have no fear, Roy and Kim! I am not planning to live with you forever! In fact, my hope is that come August, you will find me in a classroom full of 2nd graders....which means I have a full time job....which means I can get my own place! It's something I look forward to. Although, who would miss trying to watch a movie when the 1-Million-Questions-About-The-Movie-You're-Watching-Gang comes in? Not this gal!
Also, you may have noticed my spiffy blog-design update! I was tired of looking at my blog and thinking it really lacked some design ingenuity. So I fixed it.
One of my goals for 2011 is to be a better blogger.
We'll see how that turns out.
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