For today's monologue, we will discuss the "Over-statuser." The over-statuser is a close cousin of the "Over-sharer." In fact, it may be safe to say that if you are an over-sharer, you might just be an "over-statuser."
TRAITS: The Over-statuser is known for their status updates on social networking sites such as Facebook or Myspace. The over-statuser is fully dedicated to alerting the world to their every move, and they take pleasure in sharing more information than anyone would ever care to know. In life, the over-statuser is usually female, more than likely in her twenties or thirties, and lacks discretion.
That's not to say the over-statuser is never male....but generally, they are not.
BEHAVIORS: The over-statuser is prone to sneak attacks. One never knows what might pop up on their status. It is no use in trying to avoid the over-statuser, as Facebook will alert you to any and all status updates by said individual.
After a long day of work, possibly serving the general public, as you sit down at your computer to enjoy a few moments of rest, exercise caution. You may be way-laid by information you had no need for, as you log onto Facebook.
RECOVERY: As your vision tries to clear around the unbidden tears that have formed in your eyes, carefully pick your head up from the laptop that it just slammed down upon, take a deep breath and log off Facebook. This is the only known solution and remedy for the onslaught of over-statusers.
LONG-TERM SOLUTION: I am now accepting applications for Facebook Status Police. This group of trained men and women will attempt to educate individuals about what a status is, and what it should or should not contain; they will attempt, through humor and force, to rid the online world of inappropriate, medically-graphic, or overly-emotional statuses.
WHAT A STATUS IS: A status is an update about your life.
WHAT A STATUS IS NOT: A status is not a soapbox for your family problems, your medical history or your bodily functions while you may or may not be intoxicated.
ACCEPTABLE STATUS EXAMPLE: "Tired of work, but ready for the money!"
UNACCEPTABLE STATUS EXAMPLE: My stupid boss made me work, like four hundred hours today and I totally wanted to kick her rear end. I think she has PMS....oh, man, I gotta pee, but my step-aunt's-sister-once-removed is hogging the bathroom. I hope she's using air freshener!"
Should you know of, or by chance be, an over-statuser, please ask yourself once question....."Do people really want to know this?" We at Facebook Status Police Headquarters feel that this simple question may help eliminate many, many, many unnecessary posts.
Ah, another good reason for me to avoid facebook. And here I was just about to give in and join so I could keep up with my cousins, neices (especially the nice ones like you... Oh, wait I only have nice neices.)nephews, and of course those brothers and sisters I have.
ReplyDeletePlease don't let me deter you from joining the FB revolution! It IS a good way to keep in contact, and you probably won't have the same problem as I do....some of my acquaintances and friends are young...and, well...I don't want to use the word dumb, but.... There's just no other way to say it. I imagine the statuses you see would be much more grown up and refined! :0)
ReplyDeleteYeah right! You know all the people I would be keeping in contact are you aunts and uncles plus a lot of your cousins. Grown up maybe (or is that out?) but I do have to question that refined part. After all one of those would be your mother you know.
ReplyDeleteHey can I be on your police force if I am not a member of FB? And is this a paying job?
I have applied for government assistance, as I feel we are a service to the general public, but I'm skeptical that my congressmen will see it that way.....however, if you would like to join the force, please by all means....cyber-arrest people whom you feel are over-statusers. I've learned that the only way to deal with them is direct confrontation. Be tough! You can do it!! :0)
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