"I plagiarized myself....I wrote this awhile back, and put it in FB notes....no harm in re-publishing it on my blog, right?" :0)
When exercising, is it necessary to vocalize, as tennis players do? Does lifting weight require a person to sound as if they are possibly dying of some deadly disease?
Taking a trip to the local gym provides much subject matter to discuss. Let's forget for a moment that when going to the gym and the front counter says they are "out of towels until Tuesday" means I will have to share machines with very sweaty men and because of a laundry mix-up, I have no towel, drenched with sanitizer, to wipe the exercise equipment down with. This poses a problem for any germophobe.....my solution? Skip the machines that the gross guys have touched. When they leave behind sweat residue, you know it's time to pick a different CyberFlex Resistance Apparatus.
But its interesting to note here, that these same men who are sweating all over the tri-state area of the Resistance Room, are also the same ones grunting and counting out loud as they set their machines to a resistance of 50 pounds.
Now, I'm no IronWoman. But even I can lift 50 pounds on certain pieces. Do they grunt because they want to be noticed? Do they grunt because the 50 pounds is REALLY that heavy? Do they even realize they are making fools of themselves, because all the women in the same room are catching each other's eye and smirking?
Let's take Dad #1 as our first example. Dad 1 walks into the exercise room. He looks as if he's just spent an hour on an eliptical machine. He comes into the room, tosses his keys in a corner, and heads to a machine that twists your torso so that in 22 years your abs can look like Gerard Butler's from 300. Trying to complete my 100 crunches on the machine next to him, I go on counting silently to myself and appreciating the fact that he left his machine long enough to turn the radio on. I am thankful for that since I never thought to do it myself. He resumes his workout and begins to twist back and forth. From the sound of his shallow breathing and very loud "1.....2.....3.....4," I assume he is twisting at a resistance of maybe 150 pounds or so. Hmmm, trying to look at his weight resistance and appear incognito at the same time doesn't work too well for me. It was either 30, or 50 pounds. Let's give him the benefit of the doubt that he was working with 50. Twisting 50 can be rough. Okay. But must you count out loud??? I'm on 39, or was it 40? Thanks so much, Dad 1. I just lost count!! The out-loud counting stops. Did he hear my ranting, telepathically? That's what it seems like. Maybe I do have a little of that paranormal ability. I've often wondered......
Coming up on crunch #50, I'm disappointed to see an even sweatier....man....thing...something, thats covered in dark hair all over, join the room. He looks as if he's been swimming......but there is no pool at this gym.
And lucky me.....he selects the machine I had in mind as my next target.
And I will not be using that machine today.
Soon, I realize that Hairy Beast and Dad 1 are in a grunting contest.....who-can-lift-the-least-amount-of-weight-while-sounding-like-a-water-buffalo.
I look at my work-out-buddy, Sheridan, and she asks if I'm ready to go.
It's great how we can communicate with nothing more than a wordless...."ohmygosh," or an even better "so retarded!"
I think we agreed to try to the gym a couple hours earlier the next day
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